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Wednesday, 04 March 2009

  • Currently
    Choral
    By Mountains
    see related
    Some days I wonder what these eyes will see when they are old. How the days will pass in front of my glossy old pupils? Will I have observations of wisdom or stale naivety? I wonder what it will be like to look at the withering faces of my friends with in inquiry into the where about of our youth. What kind of pains lie between here and there? What kinds of joy will define my life? Will the same things make me laugh? Will the same things tear my heart to shreds? I seem to be really good at asking questions, yet when it comes to the answers I am at a loss.

Friday, 23 January 2009

  • This has been quite the week. I had some realizations this week. Realizing what i am really passionate about, what I really want to do with my life, Maybe who I want to be...maybe. I am still working it all out. I quit my old job at starbucks and became a substitute teacher. I am going to try to start grad school in the fall. I want education to be a apart of my life, and I needed to take the necessary steps to make that happen. I the same vein I needed to start taking more steps to be the man I want to be instead of just dreaming about it. I am happy with where things are going, I am happy with what God is doing, and who he has blessed to be in my life. I know none of these things are profound, but this is what God is doing in my life right now, and I felt like xanga should know.

Thursday, 01 January 2009

  • This hurts. It hurts because the time we need to spend apart is the time I feel closest to her. I could not stand seeing tears in her eyes. I am just weak right now, but I guess I have been for a while. I cant do these things on my own, I cant care for her on my own. She deserves me to be more than this. So I will spend my days at the foot of the mountain; listening, praying, waiting, and letting my heart be reformed. Pray for my heart, this is tough.

Wednesday, 31 December 2008

  • There is something about the cold fresh air on days like today that just make it easier to breath. It is thirty degrees but I am still wearing my chacos...just because. Seeing the sun makes me think there is hope, that there will be some answers to the questions I have been asking. That might be a bit naive to think that there are answers, but I think I am ready to trade cynicism for naivety. The naive seem to live much more content lives.

Monday, 22 December 2008

  • This might be the first time in my life that I haven't had the next move waiting in front of me. It is such an odd feeling not knowing what lies on the horizon, or in which direction to set my bearings. The desire to throw myself into the unknown is really strong, yet there is something holding me back. I would just love to be adrift for a while.

Sunday, 30 November 2008

  • Currently
    Glory Hope Mountain
    By The Acorn
    see related
    I am convinced I have no ability to force my mind to settle down and rest, settle down and just enjoy life.  It almost feels self destructive, because there is nothing left constructed, I am sure.  I am left with all these pieces and parts laying around in my mind like a auto repair gone terribly wrong.  The questions far out number the answers right now, but I guess that is just how this thing goes.  One day at a time. 

    p.s. I am sorry I have been absent. I still love you. I am just a little messy right now.

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